Transitions
It’s all about change. That’s the one constant in life—we change from the get-go till we die. Some of these transitions are more momentous than others; some have more long-reaching impacts. But change we must.
Some transitions are beginnings; some are endings. It is one of those ending transitions that has triggered this writing today. I’ve written before about an earlier transition of letting go of my International Board Certified Lactation Consultant status.
Thirty years ago this past fall, I walked into my first La Leche League meeting, with my nearly five-year-old son and his one-year-old sister in tow. By the time I walked into that meeting, I already had years of breastfeeding experience—that was not what brought me to that meeting. My daughter was—gasp—not sleeping through the night and I was being warned by anybody who knew this that if I didn’t do something, she would never sleep through the night. Exhaustion from getting up multiple times at night, combined with this growing concern that maybe they were right gave me the courage to walk in that meeting.
I met mothers there who also had stories of nighttime nursings with their kids, only their stories were couched in vague terms—“Yes, we nursed last night, but I don’t remember how many times or how long.” Moreover, they were okay with it—no, even relaxed about it. It was at that meeting that a number of life-changing realizations happened:
- I realized what my heart knew all along—for whatever reason, my daughter needed me in the night.
- More importantly, I had probably one of the greatest “aha” moments in parenting I’ve ever had to this day: The question is not “How can I get my child to sleep through the night?” Instead, the critical question is “How can I meet the nighttime needs of my child?” For my daughter, that meant getting up with her and nursing her when she needed it—and that was a good thing!
- Hearing these other mothers talk about their experiences and having their thoughts and feelings resonate with my own made me feel as if I’d come home.
I kept coming back to that group, and two years later I wanted to give back to this organization, and decided to pursue becoming a La Leche League Leader. I was accredited a few months later, just a couple of days before my 36th birthday, April 28, 1990.
Twenty-seven years later, I still love this organization and looking back, my life took twists and turns I never would have guessed I’d even want to take, all because of LLL. I didn’t set out to lead for nearly 28 years! I’m a writer because of LLL. Indirectly because of LLL, I work now for Family Voices, a national advocacy organization for families with children with special health care needs. And I parented my children differently than I would have without LLL. I’ve made life-long friends through LLL, and I know I’ve helped some moms along the way.
I’m no longer really active in helping those moms anymore, and haven’t been for a long time, and I’ve realized I’m ready—I think—for another major transition. As of the end of this year, I will be retiring as an LLL Leader.
In a way, that’s hard for me to even write. La Leche League has been such a part of my life for so long—even the most recent years when my involvement has been more on the periphery of what it once was. But just as a child eventually weans, I’m ready to move on—but not too far. I plan to join the LLL Alumnae Association to fill in the hole that will be created. The Alumnae Association is not just for retired Leaders, but it is a more informal place for folks who love LLL to gather online and connect as “kindred spirits.” They also plan yearly trips together, and I might even consider that one of these days!
At this point in my life, the part of LLL that sustains me are the connections to other Leaders, and the Alumnae Association might just fill that bill nicely.
My original goal for LLL Leading was 25 years. I made that goal and then some. I can still get my LLL “fix” occasionally accompanying my daughter when she goes to her LLL meetings. She, too, found her tribe.
Thank you, La Leche League! It’s been a good run, and while a part of me is sad to bring this run to an official end, I can look back with gratitude for the experience, the parenting philosophy, the professional doors it opened, and for the friends I’ve met.
“And with the passage of time it has become abundantly clear to me that making the world a better place by our presence, unconditionally loving those who share our lives, and cherishing those who cross our path is all that really matters after all.”
—Marian Tompson, La Leche League co-Founder
Passionate Journey—My Unexpected Life
© Melissa Clark Vickers 2017
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December 14th, 2017 at 4:43 pm
A picture of your face and smile on the day you were first recognized as a Leader at our Area Conference just popped into my head. You have served well, my friend. Perhaps now you will find time to make that moonshine using the tools that I gave you for starting a still when you moved to Tennessee so many years ago.
Marguerite
December 14th, 2017 at 5:10 pm
I was thinking about you and that silly box of treasures just the other day! Like the tire for my flower bed and the coil of copper for the still… We need to get together one of these days next time I make it to Marietta!
December 31st, 2017 at 12:42 am
Thank you again for all you have down for families and I enjoyed this beautiful post about change and Marian’s quote. LLL is a true tribe that has blessed me in the 4 different countries (and now the island of Guam) and I am so grateful for the amazing relationships which have developed and sustained me all these years!!! The sisterhood is immense! Recently a friend in NZ (when I was back for a visit, I lived there for 12 plus years) introduced me to another woman who was from Kentucky and she kept saying how much we reminded her of each other, Well guess what???? She was a LLL Leader in the UK!!!! We knew we were sisters!!!!